Mother’s Day weekend just passed and during this time of honoring my Mom, I’m also thankful to be a Mom.
But me being a Mom is tribute to my kids.
As most of you know, I married a widower who had two children. So, I became an instant Mother on my wedding day.
We’ve all heard the stories of step-mothers and how awful they can be. Well, I didn’t want to be part of that story. But I also needed to find the balance between respecting the memory of my step-children’s mother while finding my own way in my new family. I didn’t want to take her place, but I wanted to find my own place — somehow, there had to be room for me.
I couldn’t achieve this on my own. Oh, I definitely had a part to play, but in order to make any kind of motherhood work, it was up to the kids.
Even as a teenager and pre-teen, the kids were smart enough to know there was room for me in their hearts. They knew loving me and treating me like a mother wasn’t an insult to their mother’s memory.
My goal was to love and raise these kids as I think their mother would’ve wanted them to be loved and raised. Any Mom only wants the best for her kids. It doesn’t have to be a competition between a memory and me.
By loving them how I thought their mother would want them to be loved and cared for, I honored their Mom — I didn’t wipe away her existence.
With the kids, they just had another person in their life that loved them and had their back.
But again, none of it would’ve been possible without the kids making that choice.
We had to choose to love each other and forge our own relationships with each other.
On Mother’s Day, I honor my kids — for making the choice to open their hearts and let me in. I’m the bonus mom, and I can’t imagine loving them anymore had I been their mom from birth.
Thanks, kids, for making me a Mom. It’s a job I love.
Lovely expression of your love for our mutual children. When we first learned Vince had connected with an old friend we were happy for him that he was on the road to recovery from the devastating loss of Denise. You both were sensitive to the need for time to pass before your marriage. Your wedding was joyous—as demonstrated by the snaps I took. We were so relieved that a fine woman joined our Vince in parenting both Travis and Bonnie. Your success is demonstrated in their lives.
We can both hate the reason for your route to motherhood and love you for all that you have done for your (and our) family.
Oh, Nana — thank you for your kind words. Yes, we all hate the reason for my path to this family, but I only know how to push forward because I could nothing to change that path. But it’s the choices and the incredible example that you’ve set that helped us all. Plus, with keeping what’s good for the kids as our main focus, the bonds naturally developed from that. I love being a part of your family. Thank you for making me feel that way and for opening your hearts as well. Love and hugs to you and David.