The Emotional Journey of Cancer – Emotions blindside us, just when we think we’re recovered.
Obviously, since I haven’t posted in a while, I’m not sure what to do with this blog any more. I’ve talked a lot about my cancer experiences, and hopefully shared how faith, family and friends get you through that. I had a whole list of things to discuss on this blog, and you know what? I don’t want to talk about cancer anymore! At least not right now.
I’m tired of cancer. It’s been too big in my life, and now that I’m past all surgeries and all treatment, I want to put cancer in the past, too. I want to go back to being normal again.
But what is normal? The tag-line on this blog says “Living After Cancer – the New Normal.” Well, that’s true, this is a new normal. Cancer changed everything, whether I want to admit that or not. But I just don’t want it to dominate my entire life.
I’m very proud to be a survivor. I love to encourage and give hope to others who are struggling with this awful disease or who have friends or family members in the midst of it. But I’ve never been one to go to these fundraisers or 5K runs, and wrap a pink feather boa around myself indicating that I’m a survivor. Please don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong about survivors proudly proclaiming that we’re still here. We should!
I just don’t want to think about this disease every single day. It may have changed me…and changed me more than my physical appearance, but it won’t define me. Again, I don’t want to trivialize survivorship. Believe me, every day I look in the mirror, I see that I had cancer. And my scars are a symbol of surviving. However, my life is much more than “I had cancer.”
I don’t want to think about it anymore. I want other things to dominate my life. Key words: my life. (not my cancer). That life should be focused on my wonderful husband, fantastic kids, cheering on my daughter as she goes to graduate school, preparing for my son’s spring wedding in 2012…there’s so much more going on in my life. Cancer isn’t here anymore. Life is here!
Now I want to be a “normal” woman, whose biggest worry is complaining about her weight!
It’s time for life.