Two blog posts that I wrote over the summer have come back to haunt me. In July, I wrote a post called “Reality of Faith, Trust and a Positive Attitude.” And the meme included with that post said “Trust in Him, Always, All Days.”

Then in early August, I wrote a post titled “Being Bold in a Time of Fear” which talked about being stouthearted (quoting from Psalm 183:3).

Never could I imagine what I would face where the messages of those two posts would have me nearly eating my own words. Suddenly, I found myself asking if I really did trust God and was I truly being stouthearted.

When things are going well in our lives, it’s easy to believe you have strength, and that you’re trusting God in all things. For me, even through this pandemic, and now with election season, it’s easy for me to say “God is in control.” Because outside of wearing my mask and casting my vote (even when I wish there was a “none of the above” category), I have to leave the fate of this country in God’s hands. It’s pretty much out of my control.

But in mid-August, things hit much closer to home, and that’s when I began to ask if I was stouthearted enough to trust God always, all days. Without going into details, out of respect for the privacy of my family, I became one of the many, many adult children who deal with the health issues of aging parents. Suddenly, I was thrust into a scenario where I had to make many critical decisions (with the support of my wonderful husband). Along the way, I had to deal with the emotions of both parents; one going through the health crisis, and the other watching their spouse of 60-plus years go through said crisis. Plus, I had to deal with my own fears and emotions, all while trying to make important and scary decisions about future care management. The world weighed heavy on my shoulders, causing me to spend a lot of time on my knees, praying, and crying, and yelling.

At my core, I had to answer if I really trusted God. And my answer was and is: yes. But that doesn’t mean I understand what God is up to. It doesn’t mean that I can’t be a little angry at Him because two wonderful people were suffering so much. It just means that I realized I couldn’t handle the burden, decisions, and fear on my own. I had to trust God. I had to lay everything at His feet, begging for peace, healing and relief.

In that moment, it didn’t appear that my prayers were answered, but they eventually were. And, as we’re moving through October, we’ve had a time of relative peace, of adjusting to the situation, and we’ve had miracle after miracle of healing.

We’ve seen God’s hand in nearly everything. Yes, hindsight is 20/20. We can see clearer looking back at the situation than we could while we were going through the tough days. God was always there.

So, what about next time? Will I be able to be more stouthearted? Will I truly trust the Lord through the next crisis? I’d like to think so. I hope I have a long memory. But that doesn’t mean I won’t have moments of fear, anger, and wondering what God is up to.

Whatever my emotions are, I hope that I will always turn to God in prayer, and know He is working with us, even in the darkest of times.